Lean into the pain and it will lift!

I have been stepping into whatever it takes this year to heal!

This path is one of the hardest ones I have ever been on and I have done some hard shit!

Leaning into discomfort and feeling all the emotions and even physical pain, is by far the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my 45 years of life.

All the spaces that I created for myself in the past, were all slightly familiar, even when they seemed new.

I created environments and situations that were related even though it seemed I was walking away from the old and into the new.

Time after time, looping back in to the same old dynamics and wondering how it happened and why it kept happening.

The only common denominator was and always has been ME!

Very recently I was able to find a really good home for my dog Buster.

Because of all the traveling I have been doing for my work, my time and energy has been stretched too thin. Rehoming him was in the best interest for both of us.

With the freed up space, specifically in the mornings, I find myself a little off and ungrounded.

The parts and roles that Buster played for me, while bothersome when I needed my time and space, have become very quiet and even lonely since he left.

Here I am! All alone and nothing stopping me from doing everything it takes to make my life all I want it to be!

This morning the tears started almost immediately as I sat down for coffee.

No morning walk ritual; at least with Buster.

I could have gone out anyway, but the cold shift in weather so suddenly was NOT appealing in anyway today.

I will likely get myself back out there to pound the pavement in my downtime, but not today. At least, not right now.

I have been called to feel all my feelings, honor them, and have compassion for myself.

When I will lean into the pain, it will shift; at least this is what I have been feeling into and told. Not just by spirit, but by friends who are my mentors as well.

Ironically these are the exact things I teach my clients!

How is it so easy to coach others and so hard to practice ourselves?

It is so much easier to see the “needs” of others and to steer them in a different direction than practice them ourselves.

Well, now it’s time for me. I get to receive what I have so desperately needed from myself that I am so free to give away.

Who am I without all the roles and stories that I have either told myself or were taught to me by others?

Not only have I been stepping into this new reality, but I have quit my “stable” paycheck, moved towns, left a long term relationship and now parted with my dog!

Some of you may have your judgments around all of this or even some of what I have spoken to, and that’s ok! I am also supporting myself in being ok, without everyone supporting what I do, think, and believe!

I don’t have the need to be liked by others. What I do have the need for is to like myself; hell, love myself! Finally!!

This insight itself has brought in freedom!

A small taste of the freedom that my soul seeks to acquire!

I am told that when I can finally be free within myself, that everything else in my life is going to fall into place.

It doesn’t mean that I won’t experience pain or discomfort again.

What it does mean is that I won’t be unconsciously self inflicting pain and I will be in the driver’s seat, consciously creating my life and ok to feel vulnerable.

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